I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it hurts more in the daytime
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
