Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
