hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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