My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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