do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
