I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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