I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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