i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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