We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
