can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
