I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
