I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
