I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
