The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
