im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
