whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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