no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
