New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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