Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
