what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
