Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
