based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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