Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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