You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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