I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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