Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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