Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
