remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
