I puked a lego.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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