I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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