i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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