He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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