Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
