PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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