But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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