WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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