Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize