i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
