You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
