I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
