Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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