her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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