I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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