Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
