his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
