remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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