My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
