watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
