I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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