@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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