one two three fourrrrnication!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I enjoy the company of your penis
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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