you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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