Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
