dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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