scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
