I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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