Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Im part way to drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
