***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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