Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
