You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
