And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
