she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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