i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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