Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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