so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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