Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This is my gift to your gina
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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