Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize