The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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