I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
