i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
