she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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