okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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