i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
