just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize