I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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