I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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