i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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