Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
