that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
