dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
