i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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