I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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